DATING AS A WOMAN AT 60 - Blog 80

The saga of the silent treatment

So I went on a date with a man that I’d really been looking forward to.

We’d met a few weeks ago when I was out and about, there was an instant vibe, he’d asked for my number and the signs were promising.

Close to me in age, fit, a great dancer and fun to talk to. We have good friends in common, so that added an extra element of trust I wouldn’t grant a total stranger.

Our pre-date communication felt clear and respectful with just the right amount of flirty banter and a sense that we were both keen, yet grounded.

As the time for our get-together finally came around, I noticed myself getting excited and appreciating the care and leadership he took in planning where and when.

I want a masculine man who can attune to me and take care of such details.

So far so good.

And… now that I’ve learned not to over-invest in advance, also not wanting to get carried away spinning fantasies around how aligned this match seemed.

You really don’t know until you’re in someone’s presence and have spent time with them in different contexts who they be.

Way back when I first started this exploration I went on my very first post-celibacy date with a man who, on paper, looked so ideal for me it felt written in the stars.

The reality, however, is that we were so incompatible it was funny ;-)

With that lesson firmly under my belt, I’ve learned to hold off on future-casting, sit back and see a) how I FEEL in a man’s company and b) how he conducts himself.

And, well, this date didn’t disappoint.

I felt cared for, attended to, invested in, stimulated and at ease. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, ranging from serious to silly, high brow to humble, deep and intimate to casual every-day.

He was curious and enquiring, asking all kinds of questions to get to know me beneath the surface.

He commented on my beauty and expressed his desire and attraction in a healthy way. I also found him attractive - both physically and intellectually.

I revelled in a sense of ease and aliveness in his presence. The more time we spent together, the more I opened.

We discovered we had all kinds of things in common, so much so that it began to feel uncanny. And we both agreed that neither of us was interested in a casual fling, but a relationship with longevity.

He treated me to a delicious dinner and drinks, paid for it all and offered to drive me home.

As we sauntered along the waterfront afterwards holding hands, I felt myself relaxed, happy, open and thinking “wow, this connection really has potential!”

No red flags. No inner warning signs.

And from both his words and actions, it seemed he felt the same, asking when I was next free and stating his willingness to stay in a hotel nearby to respect my space.

Honestly, I felt pretty elated by this point to finally meet someone similarly smart and fit, available, monogamous and around my age, whom I actually fancied and enjoyed being with and where the feeling was mutual. (It’s been close to a decade you guys!!!)

I left the date feeling relaxed, happy, expanded and grateful. A great big smile on my face and in my heart. Already looking forward to our next meeting.

By the time I got home it was 1 in the morning and I was tired. I clocked the lack of a “hope you got home ok” text, but didn’t think too much of it, as we’d parted late.

But then the next morning - still no message. “Huh”, I thought, “that’s odd.” After such attentiveness, care, intimacy and interest, I really did expect a follow-up message.

It didn’t come. Not that afternoon or evening. Not after I’d messaged him to say thank you. Nor on any of the subsequent days.

My joy and expansion turned into anxiety, concern and contraction: had something happened to him on the way home? Was it something I said or did? But what?? It had all seemed so perfect.

I felt confused, baffled and hurt. My heart ached. My mind wanted to understand, replaying scenes from our date, seeking to analyse his behaviour or blame mine.

I had to tell those around me, because something was clearly up and it felt supportive to share and ask for their holding.

But ultimately I knew I had to hold myself in all the feelings and simply be with them, uncomfortable though that was.

In my experience there is no other way through moments like this, other than to be present. As a highly sensitive, somatically aware person, I feel deeply, viscerally. It’s physically painful.

As an intellectual fascinated by human behaviour, I analysed the situation from every possible angle and asked Chat Gpt to channel the insight of my favourite dating coaches and conscious relating experts.

“Why would a man who seemed both mature and strongly invested suddenly go silent after such a glorious date?!”

And gradually, after 4 full days of feeling, meditating, enquiring and moving the energy of it, I was done. Back to centre, back in my power and grateful for the clarification that consistency of communication and after-care are non-negotiable for me in relating.

Once calm and clarity landed, I messaged him once more, simply stating how I’d felt and honestly expressing the balance I’d had to navigate between feeling concern for him, the vulnerability of my feelings and awareness that a man who doesn’t follow up is a no-go for me.

No anger, no blame.

He’s neither read it, nor responded, but that’s ok by me.

The truth is I don’t know what happened and maybe I never will.

Perhaps he’ll message tomorrow and it will either all make sense or just confirm he’s not as aligned as it seemed.

The important part of this for me, though, is that I’ve navigated something really unsettling with grace and integrity, becoming clearer and stronger in the process.

Life has invited me to embody what I teach in Dating as Devotion. And I’ve chosen to use this experience to elevate, rather than undermine myself.

Believe it or not, I’m grateful for this opportunity to refine how I am showing up: clearer on my standards, heart open, yet securely rooted in my Self.

I’ve gotten to witness my reaction - from concern for him to ruminating on what *I* did wrong, from feeling confused to heart-achingly disappointed - and presence myself through all of it without tipping into blame, cynicism, hopelessness or judgement.

I’ve had to embrace the mystery of his silence and release both the momentary frustration of “so near, yet so far” along with the fear that there won’t be another match like him, when aligned men are already as rare as gold-dust.

What I’ve refused to do is turn it into a story about his (or all men’s) faults and flaws or my own inadequacy.

Instead, I’ve gained valuable insight into what nourishes versus what destabilises me in dating and relating. Honouring the purity and tenderness of my heart, rather than making myself wrong for the hope and attachment our emotional intimacy fostered.

It’s useful for me to see the amount of time and energy I invested in this one connection and how profoundly even one deep date can impact me.

The take-home from which is to be even more discriminating because frankly my time is precious, I prize my well-being and it’s either a beautiful, conscious LTR for me or nothing.

As I processed this saga of the silent treatment, I could really understand why so many women are saying they’d rather be single.

When I’m not actively dating, I’m basically more zen. More peace, more equilibrium, more steady joy and juiciness. My life is rich, fulfilling and fun!

Desiring a partner and interacting with prospective dates, however, activates vulnerability, strong emotion and attachment, highlighting relating patterns and preferences I’m not confronted with in non-romantic connections.

It’s definitely a personal and spiritual growth zone - if you choose to frame it as such.

The weird thing is I can’t remember dating ever being so complicated or emotionally challenging in my 20s and 30s.

Meeting a guy was so much easier back then: you went out, met someone you liked, met them again, snogged, got together, became an item and stayed together.

I simply don’t recall ever being faced with the challenges and energies that characterise dating in 2025: like ghosting, bread-crumbing, situationships or the silent treatment.

Dynamics, behaviours and the accepted norms have changed humongously. And, as with all change, you can embrace it either as a crisis or an opportunity.

Where my passion lies, both personally and professionally, is in bringing as much awareness, compassion and integrity to this terrain as possible, continuously evolving my/our/your embodiment of truth and love.

As for me & Mr Silent, I’ve surrendered entirely to the not knowing, choosing to give no further energy to all the stories I could be running with, trusting that what’s meant for me will come to me and feeling pretty darn good about the authenticity and elegance with which I’ve moved.

Whatever happens next, I’m certain this encounter has brought me closer to love and the relationship I am magnetising to me.

My Dating as Devotion programme is specifically designed to support you in navigating such modern-day dating challenges, whilst refining your love-map along the way. I’ll be offering it in the form of stand-alone workshops from the autumn. In the mean-time I’m available for one-to-one guidance. Book a complimentary Discovery Call with me here. Reach out with your questions.