DATING AS A WOMAN AT 60 - Blog 75

Looking for My Mr Wavy

When a fab male friend lived with me & the kids some time ago, he would jokingly refer to mainstream people as “straight”, spiritual people as “wiggly” and those who could bridge both worlds as “wavy”.

I guess I’m looking for my Mr Wavy ;-)

This was brought home to me over the past week, in which I subscribed to match.com for just 7 days to test the waters.

I’ll be honest, I was inspired by my interview with Tara (see blog 74) who met her husband-to-be on match after just a month.

“Let me give it a go!” I thought. “I’ve got nothing to lose and am curious to see how different it is on this app versus FEELD.”

Well, it has been different. And, just like Tara said, there are a lot of “normal” people on it.

Thing is, I don’t really want normal. In fact, in my bio I describe myself as “living outside the box for the past 20+ years”.

So for me, a lot of what’s normal feels stultifying and unrelatable.

I’m into deep, intimate, real and true. Growth, self-reflection, divine connection. Embodied. Aware. Awake.

Whereas a lot of mainstream relating is about wearing masks and unconsciously repeating patterns. Zoning out. Avoiding vulnerability.

And yet, after hanging out in conscious and tantric circles for two decades, I’m also well aware of the shadows of this realm and find a lot of spiritual men too effeminate, ungrounded or non-committal.

Ho hum.

Whilst match certainly came with way less sex-bombing or horny millennials, it also came with the same proportion of totally misaligned likes (for different reasons: a) not my equal and b) unattractive) and “hello beautiful”’s, along with a handful of decent, respectful men 50+.

And whilst those few were pleasant to interact with, after a phone call with one last night, I came away feeling like I’d just had a conversation with a friend’s Dad, rather than a man who ignited any kind of spark of desire or interest in me.

A really nice gentleman, but not on my wave-length.

Which I ascribe both to his age and “normality.”

If I’m honest, it made me pine for the gorgeous 28 year-old I met on FEELD and had a few unforgettable dates with. Because in his company I felt FULLY SEEN, FULLY MET & DELICIOUSLY ALIVE. Sigh.

When you’ve spent over 20 years cultivating embodied awareness, feminine wisdom, sexual energy and conscious relating skills, as I have, a mainstream man who’s led a conventional life talks a different language.

I couldn’t help noticing all the ways he spoke without awareness (eg. using “you” to refer to himself”) and tended to project and assume, conspiratorially referring to “people our age” or “our generation”, when actually I do not include myself in such frames of reference and couldn’t relate to the statements he was making.

This isn’t to make him wrong or bad, just different - and not for me.

And, as I shared with a girlfriend yesterday, at 60, having navigated all kinds of relational ups and downs, watched my parents die, devoted the best part of my life to embodied awakening and reaching a sense of being deeply content with myself and my life, I simply don’t want to waste my time even having a cup of tea with a man I just KNOW isn’t aligned.

I feel super-aware of the preciousness of my time and energy these days and want to spend it wisely.

Making polite conversation “with my friend’s Dad” is not what I want to do with my downtime. Whether friend or lover, I want to feel vibrationally and intellectually matched. (And if he’s my lover, then sexually enlivened too!)

That may sound harsh, but it’s true. I have so many friends and connections already. I have two incredible soul-mates, who happen to be my children. I’m happy, fulfilled, expanding. Whatever/whoever can’t meet or add to this isn’t going to stick.

Which brings me back around to Mr Wavy.

Because I’m not taking this experience as evidence that he doesn’t exist, more like clarification of what I do want and where I’m least likely to meet it.

……..

The more I explore the world of dating consciously, the more I feel I am learning about and continuing to embody the 4 key principles of my Dating as Devotion programme starting in July. Mastering my mindset, sexual energy, attitude to men and standards are all so vital. And I’m deeply aware of how I could either use experiences such as my foray into match.com to reinforce negative beliefs and go on a downward spiral OR recalibrate, redirect and double-down on maintaining inner and outer well-being. If you’re curious to know more, head on over to my website. Early Bird registration closes on June 22nd. You’re also welcome to message me if you have questions.