DATING AS A WOMAN AT 60 - Blog 77
The 4 keys to dating devotionally
6 months into my dating journey & 20+ years into my exploration of conscious embodiment, love, sex and relating as facilitator, Priestess and seeker, I’ve created a new 4-part course called Dating as Devotion.
In this post, I want to tell you about the 4 keys to dating devotionally and why they’re important.
I’m writing for a female audience, but actually believe that many of these points will apply just as well to men. So if you’re a male follower, I encourage you to read on and self-reflect as you go, transposing your relationship with women/the feminine where relevant.
My intention is that we all continue to evolve in the way that we date, relate and mate, so that together we create a more loving, unified and beautiful world.
Key 1 - Keeping the Faith - Mindset & Knowing
Mindset matters.
Words are spells.
What we focus on grows.
Our thoughts have the power to activate emotions.
They shape our body, our posture and our field.
What we believe, even if we don’t tell anyone, colours our perception and infuses our vibration.
Changing our thoughts and beliefs changes our experience, because it changes what we see and transmit.
As women, we also have access to a keen sense of knowing - our intuition - but often-times we learn to silence or over-ride this potent inner wisdom.
When it comes to dating, both our mindset and knowing are super-powers that we can harness either to reinforce perceptions and emotions that block connection OR align us more closely with our desire.
A conscious focus on mindset helps us to refine our beliefs, cultivate faith and recognise the distinction between discernment and conditioning.
Key 2 - Mastering Desire - Lust, longing & shut-down
We ALL inherit a particular conditioning and wounding around sex and relating. And it will be influencing our dating life whether we are aware of it or not.
You’ll see evidence of your patterns in who you attract & what turns you on (or off).
And believe it or not, each relationship, whether good or bad, can be a portal to your higher purpose. IF you bring awareness to the play of your desire & interactions.
Mastery requires us to be compassionately devoted to radically honest inner enquiry, self-presencing and -parenting. To holding space for all the emotions, thoughts and urges that arise without making any of them wrong, whilst staying open to insight and integration before moving into aligned action.
When you explore your desire & erotic energy, not to suppress or shame yourself, but to animate & illuminate your inner world, you bring yourself closer to love as the source of all.
Key 3 - Making Peace with The Masculine - Light & Love
There are many levels at which the masculine lives within us as women. And the nature of that inner relationship informs our outer experience.
Growing up in a patriarchal society that reinforces the unquestioned superiority and rightness of men, women commonly internalise beliefs about their wrongness and lesser worth.
Religion - an extension of patriarchy - underpins this, with God regarded as “our father”.
Within the family, how your father or male care-giver holds himself and acts, how he treats you and your mother - all of this shapes a woman’s concept of what masculinity and love is.
If he is entirely absent, this message is absorbed too.
We have now internalised an idea of the masculine and certain patterns of relating to him inside and out.
As we go on to interact with men, we often repeat the patterns of relating and states of feeling we were imprinted with when young - even if they don’t serve us. And through this as well as new experiences add layers of belief about men to our body-mind.
If our experience in any of these realms is negative (and it’s going to be at some point, however awesome the men in our lives): if there is pain or heart-break, betrayal or rejection, avoidance or abandonment, control or abuse, unless transmuted, the impact may linger as mistrust, shielding, resentment or a disconnect from the healthy masculine traits we need to be stable, effective adults.
Even when we’re single, our inner masculine (this composite psychic imprint of “man”) shows up in our inner dialogue and state of being, affecting our degree of fulfilment, balance and feminine depth.
And all of this we bring with us into dating.
Which is why when you explore your relationship with the masculine - bringing light to your beliefs and love to your hurt parts, you open the door to forgiveness and compassion.
Connecting with the essence of an archetypal higher masculine (not a religious God) in transpersonal qualities such as stillness and clarity, enables you to meet yourself in nourishing inner union.
Not only will this usher in greater stability, well-being and even bliss. It will literally change the nature of who you attract and are attracted to.
Key 4 - Holding the Line - Boundaries & Self-Honouring
As you heal, re-write old scripts and step into the embodiment of a new love narrative, you will be tested.
That doesn't mean you've gone wrong or are failing.
It's an opportunity for growth, recalibration, self-compassion and a deeper sense of sovereignty.
You will be invited to hold yourself in moments of doubt, actions you regret and the pull back to old behaviours.
Someone may show up in the form of delectable temptation to see if you really meant it when you declared your heart's desire.
People around you may tell you you're being too picky, gaslight your knowing or suggest actions that just don't resonate.
You may royally "fuck up" and imagine you've ruined it all.
This is your growth edge: when you get to soothe your nervous system, return to your vows, access your knowing, shift your energy and master your mind.
When you choose to sit with your vulnerability and stay open-hearted, because you know this is part of the devotional path.
When your patience and allowing birth fresh insight or an obvious course correction in natural time.
Because this isn't a straight line that takes you from A to B. It's an alchemical spiral of organic growth and expansion. That evolves you into a deeper embodiment of authenticity, wholeness and love.
Love without object. Love as who you be.
Fulfilled. Radiant. Soft AND powerful.
Leaving you clear and less wanting, yet - precisely because of this - more magnetic to the connection you're invoking than ever before.
Dating as Devotion starts July 3rd and meet every Thursday evening through to 25th, 7-9pm GMT.
EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION closes June 22nd,.
I would love to have you join me AND if this schedule and timings don’t work for you OR you’d like more personalised support, you can opt for the Deep Diver investment or be in touch about one-to-one love coaching.
Love,
Shakti
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