DATING AS A WOMAN AT 60 - Blog 42
Low rating Speed dating
Uff.
Of all the things I've experimented with on this journey, attending a speed-dating event in Bristol last night was one of the low-lights.
Driving back with my gal pal last night we were hard put to find a positive angle.
I really did find it quite deflating - and a bit of an eye-opener - to encounter such a field of mediocrity.
A scruffy cafe on Bristol's Harbourside (not the chic wine-bar I'd envisaged from the pics), minimal organisation or hosting and an unimpressive selection of ineligible bachelors.
The age-banding was 43-55, but I'd say all but one man and one woman in the room were 50+.
The minute we walked in, I was tempted to make a run for it (or at least go join the packs of fit night-runners we passed on the way there - much more my thang.
My heart and soul just sank at the sight and feel of it. And, if I'm honest, I noticed a sense of shame arise at being associated with something that felt so sad and desperate.
Still, I'd invested £22, plus the hour-long drive, parking, glass of wine etc and I was determined to see it through, both for research purposes and to honour my commitment to those present.
"Don't be too harsh when you write about it" my friend said as we parted ways.
So here I am, committed to sharing my truth and wondering how to do so without sounding like a bitch. I don't know if I can.
I guess I thought I was showing up without expectations. I definitely did not expect to meet someone who'd be a viable love-interest. But I did I imagine I'd have some interesting conversations, learn something new and have some fun.
Taking stock this morning:
Interesting conversations - yes, one - with the female event host.
Learn something new - never ever go speed-dating again! LOL !
Have some fun - yes, if you include my enjoyment of being me and laughing with my g/friend about it. With the men - no.
What *did* I encounter (in the men I was there to speed-date with that is) ?
Dullness. Heaviness. Closed mindedness. Cynicism. Assumption. Projection. An inability to listen or attune. Inability to self-reflect. Identification with opinions, thoughts, beliefs. Lack of presence. Lack of confidence. Lack of drive. Lack of curiosity. Off his head (don't know on what - ha ha !!).
Of course I have no way of knowing if this is just a reflection of how many "ordinary" middle-aged men are or if events like these attract lower calibre singles.
I also didn't get to speak to the other women there, so can't say if there was a parity of sorts. My sense of it, though, was that there *was* a certain equivalence of dullness/density to their energy.
"Is there anyone you'd like to match with?" the host asked me, seeming to guess my answer before I'd replied. "You know you can get a free ticket to another event if you don't match with anyone tonight."
Er, no. And thanks, but no thanks.
Before a few people had even finished their final conversation, my friend and I were out the door. We couldn't wait to leave.
In immediate contrast, a bunch of fit, fresh young men who were leaving the nearby gym passed by and I tuned in to their energy with appreciation and relief.
I'm sure Bristol has a load of fun, high vibe events and venues, where a lot of smart, attractive, single people go - but speed-dating at the Harbourside is definitely *not* one of them.
As we got in the car and I switched on my phone, I got a flurry of pings and discovered 29 new likes on my FEELD (dating) app. True, most of them want some casual FFM/bondage or whatever, but at least many of them are youthful, fit, good-looking and out there doing interesting stuff in the world.
I'm currently mulling over whether to match with a super hot "Dr of history of gender and sexuality", an equally attractive "sapiosexual" who "places high value on transparent communication in relationships" or a 27 year-old Bristol-based DJ who's offered to take me out even if it's a non-date date.
If I'm honest, I'm currently not available for seggsual intimacy or romance with anybody new, but I'm definitely up for fun (not an innuendo!) and continuing this journey of expansion in authentic relating wherever my "YES!" takes me.
19/2/25 tbc...
This was my "before" pic. The "after" one might have looked somewhat different.