Dating as a woman at 60 - Blog 1
Ok, I feel it's time for me to explore and write about the world of dating as a conscious, unconventional woman at 60.
I hesitated to include my age in the title, not because of any shame around my age, but because I hate being pigeon-holed.
I can tell you for a fact that most of the assumptions people make about women in their 60s just don't apply to me.
What's more, the age categories on dating apps are, imho, one key reason I don't have success on them.
That said, dating at 60 does feel VERY different to dating at 20, 30 or 40. I'm just not sure how much of this is age related and how much is down to the fact that life and dating have both changed *radically* in that time.
More on that another time....
Coming back to the apps for a minute, though:
I've never, literally NEVER scored a date from an online dating app, despite trying most of them over the past 10-15 years.
I have been liked or approached by a handful of men - yes. But not by anyone remotely aligned with my background, values or interests. Despite carefully crafting a profile that sets them out.
And almost always by men 10+ years older than me.
Whereas I'm just not interested in dating men in their 70s.
Or - at the other end of the spectrum - 20/30-somethings with a MILF fetish.
And to be honest it pisses me off that I explicitly state the age range I'm interested in (45-60) and yet I *still* get unattractive (to me) and utterly unsuitable 75 year-olds messaging.
In real life, where I've met all my lovers and long-term partners, they have almost all been younger than me.
The father of my children is 7 years my junior and tbh, I think you'd be hard put to tell. My last lover was 20 years younger.
And there's a very good reason for that.
I'm youthful, vivacious, open-minded, committed to growth, fit and full of energy. And I tend to hang out with younger people.
Naturally, when people meet me in the flesh they tend to assume I'm younger than my age.
You'd certainly think so if you watch me dancing. And dancing is my all time favourite thing to do.
Not old foagie tea dances, but 2-hour long high energy ecstatic dance. To house music, jazz, acid, funk, soul, world grooves.
Yes, I can absolutely see the apparent contradiction here - I don't want to be pigeon-holed, but am myself discounting older men.
What I'd say to that is that it's primarily about feeling attracted to an ENERGY & MINDSET that matches mine.
Show me an older man who can meet me on the dance-floor and in the bedroom, as well as in his mental freshness and I'll be intrigued.
There was once this t'ai chi master, for example. Older, but fit. Profoundly attuned. Heart-centred. A master of energy.
He could evoke orgasmic ripples in my body from across the room simply by moving his little finger. True story.
And shall we talk orgasmic ripples for a moment?
Yes! I have them. Love them. Love my body. Love my sensuality. Adore physical intimacy and touch.
Being post menopause does not equal post desire in my case. Most definitely not.
The only difference I've noticed is that I'm no longer ruled by lust and am far more discerning about who comes close.
I don't need to be intimate with a man to feel validated or fulfilled.
I am already fulfilled and validated from within.
So, naturally, I'm only interested in men who embody that too.
And whad'ya know, they appear to be pretty rare creatures.
All that said, I'd love love love to have some dates with men I find interesting and attractive. Who share my values & feel aligned.
I love masculine men. I love masculine energy.
But I'm kinda stumped right now as to how to make that happen.
I've been sat here doing the inner work for years now and while the inner work is crucial, I feel to take action too.
I've sworn off online dating. It's only ever left me drained, hopeless and judgemental. And that's just not good for my mojo.
Which leaves me with in-person meetings, but how to effect that when I work from home, live in a female-centric town, have mostly single female friends and mostly female-centric interests? LOL !
The journey begins today.... let's see where it goes and ends.
Tbc.....
20/11/24